A Brief Reflection About Grief And Loss
Grief is the deep sorrow and pain that comes with loss and it is normal.
Whether unexpected or expected, in the moment of loss, grief can feel like an overwhelming emptiness because you are reflecting on the absence of something or someone that held great value in your life. Your heart is experiencing the loss as sudden, even if your mind comprehended that it was expected. Nothing or no one could have prepared you for it.
Losses can be varied. Maybe you experienced losing a job that you planned on retiring from, your savings or retirement fund is steadily decreasing, you’re going through a divorce, your pet has passed away, your health is declining, a close friend has moved away, or you’ve experienced one or multiple miscarriages.
Something or someone of importance and value no longer exists where you can firsthand see, hear, taste, touch, or smell it or them. When you look around, the void you feel is all-encompassing, and you are scrambling to find the meaning of something...anything. Things are just, different.
The Five Stages of Grief
The Five Stages of Grief by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identify the stages of Denial (avoidance, confusion, shock, fear), Anger (frustration, irritation, anxiety), Depression (overwhelmed, hostility, flight, helplessness), Bargaining (struggling to find meaning, reaching out to others, telling one’s story), and Acceptance (exploring options, a new plan, moving on). You may be in denial, then anger, then bargaining, then depression, anger again, bargaining again, then finally acceptance. It is because emotions are unpredictable because it is dependent upon your state of mind stemming from your current circumstances, mood, or relationships. These areas are temporary at best and can change many times within a day.
Your experience of a wide range of emotions and the visual manifestation of the grief will differ from anyone else. Some experience physical symptoms such as restlessness, crying spells, fatigue, and heart palpitations. Some experience emotional reactions such as shock, denial, loneliness, anger, irritability, and apathy. Forgetfulness, confusion, and absent-mindedness are common forms of behavior that may exist. How you relate to others may change. Possibly avoiding friends and family, or having trouble communicating with others.
Though emotions may change, in time, through the healing process, you become more stabilized and eventually gain internal strength. This is your “presently”. Moving from suddenly to presently is an intricate and delicate process that cannot be rushed. You are the only one that can permit yourself to learn, adjust, and grow. As a result, you are learning to live with loss instead of trying to live apart from it. Loss is inevitable, grief is natural, and emotions change. So take the time to grieve, heal and experience YOUR LIFE beyond your "suddenly" moment. It's worth embracing, and most of all living.
You are stronger than you realize. You've gotten this far, right? Better yet, WE have gotten this far. and we will keep going.
When Managing Loss remember these things:
No one can tell you how you are to feel, how long it will take, and what it will be like
Give yourself grace and permission to embrace your journey toward healing.
Utilize your support system of faith, friends, family, and community.
Keep a basic self-care system: hygiene, eating, exercise, and relationship connections.
A Mental Health Therapist may serve as a safe space for you to talk or emotionally express what you may not be comfortable sharing or showing others. Give it a try.
Useful Links When Dealing With Grief and Loss
Help is around you. Anytime you feel like you are in crisis, call 911, reach out to a crisis hotline, or take yourself to a hospital for assistance.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Psychology Today
Veterans Crisis Hotline
National Alliance on Mental Illness
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Scriptures to Reflect On
Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Robinette H. Dotson is a licensed mental health therapist practicing in NC and SC through FullScope Counseling Services, PLLC. Through the therapeutic alliance, she works with each client, according to their individual needs and circumstances, assisting them in strengthening their internal core for better life navigation and fulfillment.
